March 19, 2014

I'm not sure how else to ask except - would you please pray for me?

Ok, I'm doing it. I'm reaching out. I've been battling the lies that tell me that I've asked for too much, people are tired of hearing about my loss, my grief, my needs; they're tired of more requests for prayer, more burdens placed on them by the needs of someone else. They have enough of their own needs, for the love of everything good and right in this world.

But I'm humbling myself again and putting it out there that this is a journey and some days are darker than others and some seasons are more wintry than others, and two days ago I found myself flung back into the darkness and the cold. Right on the heels of a particularly refreshing and encouraging season, I might add.

Simply put, I would so love and appreciate your prayers.

I am 29 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I was 30 weeks pregnant when we lost Grace and 30 weeks and 1 day when I delivered her. I have a full week ahead of me to remind me of those final days, and the memories and reliving have already begun in crushing measure. And then I have the beginning of April to relive when we were in Seattle and learned of her severely worsened heart failure and subsequent grim prognosis for making it to 34 weeks. And then I have April 26th, the day she was born into our arms, still and silent.

It feels un-doable, quite frankly.

And on top of that I'm preparing and studying to speak at this conference (which you should go to, by the by), and while the Lord has planted seeds of direction and insight, it's not all coming together. So I find myself having anxiety and fear thrown in for extra measure. Again, at this moment, it all feels rather not doable.

So I'm not sure how else to ask except - would you please pray for me?

I'm not even sure exactly what to ask specifically for. For this coming week. For the coming month. For the conference. If there is anything that terrifies me, it's going where God is not. It's quite the story about my agreeing to speak at this conference (and also quite the honor) but the Lord was absolutely behind it. So I trust that he's in this. But I need more trust to make it to the finish line.

So there it is. It's so incredibly hard to ask for help, to put myself out there, to be in such a needy spot, but the prayers of the saints are worth it to me.

Thank you. So much love to you all, more than you know.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
 2nd Corinthians 12:9

17 comments:

  1. I love you. For so many reasons. I love your honesty. I love your transparency. I love that you trust our God even on those dark days when His presence feels far away. Lifting you up in prayer my sweet friend - prayers for peace and comfort and insight and wisdom...

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  2. I love you. For so many reasons. I love your honesty. I love your transparency. I love that you trust our God even on those dark days when His presence feels far away. Lifting you up in prayer my sweet friend - prayers for peace and comfort and insight and wisdom...

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    1. Jen, I always love you and your constant encouragement. Thank you and thank you for praying.

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  3. Everyone needs/deserves prayer, you should never hesitate to ask. Praying for peace for you through this difficult time.

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    1. Thank you so much, Jocelyn, I appreciate it more than I can express.

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  4. Just learned of your story through fb. Praying for strength and peace for you. May you be surrounded by words of encouragement & protected from the rest.

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    1. Thank you so much, Karissa, that means so much to me.

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  5. I would love to pray for you. Consider it done!

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  6. Sara you are so loved and can guarantee that not one single person is tired of praying for you. You are an amazingly strong woman and you will get through this. I will be praying for you.

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  7. I wish I could be there the conference sounds awesome! I'll be praying for you!!!

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  8. Sara, you don't know me, but I will be praying for you. My daughter, who is also with Jesus, was born on April 25th. She too was born with CHD. Praying for strength as you walk through these days, through the deep waters that must be passed through, relying on the sufficient grace of our Lord Jesus. Know you do not walk alone.

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  9. I just read the article you wrote about grieving on Charisma News and I can identify. I have grieved many years over the innocence lost in my youth. The death I grieved was the death of my own soul. Sadly, although I have always been in church, and even shared details of my emotional recovery with Christian family, I have found a lack of comfort and understanding. I heard platitudes: "forgive and move on", "everybody grieves something", it's time to get past it". Even Christians are uncomfortable with reaching out to someone traveling through a dark valley. They certainly know how to fix a meal and rally around a sick individual, but fall pitifully short with offering understanding to a grieving soul, which makes one feel ostracized and immature. I appreciate your authentic Christianity and transparency and will pray for you. May God send you some true prayer warriors and friends who will "stand in the gap" lifting you up as you serve. I have since left church for many reasons, including the reason I just shared. The lack of genuine and caring friends and leaders has finally gotten to me. I shall see where the Spirit leads. God bless!

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  10. I found you through a Facebook friend when you learned of Grace's heart issues and followed steadily since. Even though I have never met you, I grieved as though Grace was a child of my own family and have kept you in my prayers since her passing. I am not able to attend the conference you are speaking at due to prior commitments, but I am in the area and wanted you to know if you need anything while you are here to let me know. I am sure you have connections and contacts here in CO, but in case you don't let me know.

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  11. Sara, thank you for reaching out to the Body. Thank you for believing in the power of love, collected and sent to you from the common bond of the Spirit. We are sisters because we share the same shed blood of Christ. We are sisters in suffering because like you I too have lost a babe in the womb. From this place of familiarity, I am honored to pray with and for you....and so,
    Abba. Daddy. Beautiful Father of Lights, I lift Sara to you in this moment, and the moments when her breath is thin and timid in the pre-dawn hours where shadows seem like substance, and hope is fleeting. Would you meet her there. In the fullness of the truth of your great love, would you meet her there. Would you remind her in the midnight hours of her writing that you are the Author and Finisher of her. Her life is yours. There is nothing she can add to or take away from. You will prepare her spotless and perfect lacking nothing. Would you cause your Peace to be her portion in these days ahead. May she not waste one ounce of gold that has been tried in the crucible of affliction, but may she know the fellowship of the fourth man in the furnace. Thank you Jesus that you promise to draw near to the contrite and broken hearted. May she minister transparently from this place. Holding nothing back, giving to others as she has been given to. In Jesus name... so let it be.

    Thinking of you,
    Christina

    www.scribentus.wordpress.com

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  12. Thank you so much again to each of you for praying for me and for us. We are so thankful for the body of Christ.

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  13. Hello Sara,

    My name is Shelli....I am a recent widow (April 25th will be one year) and I just finished reading your article in CharismaNews about Grief. I was so touched by your words and understanding of something so very difficult to understand. I was married to my late husband for 25 years and his death was an accident at work and came with no warning and a complete shock. Some days it still doesn't seem real, all that's happened and that he's gone. We have 3 children together, ages, 26, 24 & 21. My youngest son just got married on March 1st and it was so difficult, trying to be happy for my son and daughter-in-law and at the same time, knowing how much that day would have meant to my husband and feeling like he had been cheated out of the fruits of all his many years of being a great father/husband. However, I have put my complete life in God's hands since that day and He has truly sustained, blessed and graced me beyond anything that I could ever deserve. I thought I was doing good, however you measure that, lol, until about a week ago. It feels like it was yesterday and the pain is more than I have experienced thus far....Just wanted you to know that you are not and never will be alone, there are other women who are going through the same thing with you and our Father knows and hears our hearts breaking. Will be praying for you, as there is so much power in it that I have actually felt over the past 11 months. Really love your blog, you have a beautiful family, and I pray that God will continue to bring peace, prosperity and abundant hope to your life. God Bless!!

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