January 20, 2014

Blue-Eyed Baby and Hope Restored

When I was pregnant with Micah (who is turning FOUR in two weeks, someone kill me) I hoped so badly he would be blue-eyed. I know it's vain but I wanted at least one blue-eyed child. I have blue eyes and Matt has brown so I knew it was a 50/50 chance. But probably more like 80/20 since brown eyes are dominant. When he was born they were most definitely blue but of course all the naysayers said they'd probably change. They were wrong, as naysayers usually are. You've always gotta have one Negative Nelly in the bunch.

Don't mind the peanut butter and jelly hanging out of his mouth.

With Asher I don't remember thinking much about it. I think I felt since I had one blue-eyed baby, I didn't care so much anymore. In fact I think we all expected him to be Matt's clone. Well, I can only say I'm so glad he has Matt's distinct chin dimple or we would all wonder....


Chin dimple! And dried banana.
More chin dimple!

My sweet Gracie-girl most definitely had the same eyes Micah and Asher had at birth so I think it's safe to say she would've been our blue-eyed baby girl. She looked like Asher the most, including having the same black hair Asher had at birth (who has since turned into a towhead).

Asher starting out with black hair.
And Asher now. 

This time around we are rooting so strongly for a true Matt-clone! I would die of happiness if Baby Luke looks like this.

This is Matt. I'm dying too.

Seriously, I can hardly handle thinking about it. My heart.

And then this picture for no other reason than I was pregnant with Grace and I used to love to sit on the couch with the boys while we watched Dora and revel in her kicks and rolls. This picture brings me back to those moments instantly. We knew her situation was heartbreakingly serious but we were so hopeful.

I came to a low point in 2013 when I said to the Lord in desperate anger, I hate hope! I hate hoping only to be let down so severely and so devastatingly I feel like I'll never recover!

So I've prayed that God would restore my hope. That this would be a year of hope restored. I'm learning (ever so slowly) that I can't put my hope in my desired outcome; I have to put my hope in the Lord, who will one day make all things right.

Whew, that's a hard one in real life, isn't it?

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:2-5