January 24, 2013

God Doesn't Roll the Dice for My Life

People ask me how I am and how I'm doing and honestly, I'm not sure how to answer. If you'd asked me three hours ago I'd have said, Really good. I'm feeling encouraged, hopeful, peaceful. But if you'd asked me five minutes ago, I'd have said, Lonely. Desperate. Terrified. And if you ask me tomorrow morning, I'll probably say, Pretty good. Taking it one day at a time.

It's started to settle in in different ways. And then other times I feel like I'm on the outside of my body watching this happen to someone else.

I was telling a couple of close friends last night that as I've read everything I can about congenital heart block, the first thing that it usually states is how rare it is. And on Monday when I was in my doctor's office I asked if they see this very often and she said no. And at first I thought, Agh, why? I'm never that person. Anytime odds are involved, I'm always safe. You know what I mean? Like, if something is taped under your chair at a conference for a prize, it's never my chair. It's always someone else's chair.

But then a different thought occurred to me. Once it settled in more how uncommon this is in pregnancy, I actually felt comforted in a strange way. Because God doesn't roll the dice for my life. I didn't pick the wrong chair. If the chances are really so small for a baby to have this, then it wasn't by random chance that it was our baby. God knew exactly what was to come. And he is always trustworthy.

So my prayer is that God would be glorified in every part of this. He has a plan for good and I trust him to accomplish it.

(I just forget sometimes that I trust him to accomplish it.)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

*Update* The comments issue has been completely fixed! Comment away!

7 comments:

  1. Oh yes! Praying that you will see each part of this as joy, that your faith will be made more complete, not lacking in anything, and that God will be glorified.

    May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of sheep, equip YOU with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen. {Heb. 13:20-21 and my prayer for you today <3}

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  2. Hi Sara, I've been following your blog for a long time now but have never commented. Usually I'm too lazy to go over to my computer to leave one 😊. But I wanted to make it a point to let you know that I've been thinking and praying for you and your little one since you shared your news. I was so very sorry to hear about it. But I have hope in God's power and your post today was very well put. He knows what He's doing even when we don't. Such comfort! And as for the verse in James, it's the exact same verse I studied just a few days ago. I had such conviction that I was not counting my struggles as joy. I pray that you will feel joy and peace in the midst of your trial. I will continue to pray!

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    1. Jill!! I didn't know you read my blog, I feel so honored!! Thank you so much for praying, it means more than anything! That verse is hard to obey. I think I'm learning that the struggle itself is not the joy, it's the drawing closer to Jesus through the struggle that's the joy. Thank you again for praying. :)

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  4. Hi Sara, I am a fellow classmate of Matt and I love reading your blog. I have been praying for you and your family since Matt told us the news. I was so excited when you blogged about the baby's heart rate going up and yes, it was God's answer to specific prayer. I have this verse James 1:3-4 written on a sticky note next to my computer that I wrote just this week. How weird is that! Thank you for that new concept of God doesnt roll the dice in my life. I really like that and it is encouraging to me. I have been having trouble with faith issues in my life for the past year and just recently I have begun to see a breakthrough. Satan will use anything to steal, kill and destroy our relationship with Jesus. Thank you for being such an inspiration to us all. God will continue to use you to glorify Him.

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    1. Wow, Kelly, thank you so much. I'm so sorry you've been having trouble, I wish we could sit down over coffee and talk and talk! I'll pray. I don't know the details but God does and I'll pray he gives you everything you need for life and godliness (2nd Peter 1:3). Thank you again!

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