People ask me how I am and how I'm doing and honestly, I'm not sure how to answer. If you'd asked me three hours ago I'd have said, Really good. I'm feeling encouraged, hopeful, peaceful. But if you'd asked me five minutes ago, I'd have said, Lonely. Desperate. Terrified. And if you ask me tomorrow morning, I'll probably say, Pretty good. Taking it one day at a time.
It's started to settle in in different ways. And then other times I feel like I'm on the outside of my body watching this happen to someone else.
I was telling a couple of close friends last night that as I've read everything I can about congenital heart block, the first thing that it usually states is how rare it is. And on Monday when I was in my doctor's office I asked if they see this very often and she said no. And at first I thought, Agh, why? I'm never that person. Anytime odds are involved, I'm always safe. You know what I mean? Like, if something is taped under your chair at a conference for a prize, it's never my chair. It's always someone else's chair.
But then a different thought occurred to me. Once it settled in more how uncommon this is in pregnancy, I actually felt comforted in a strange way. Because God doesn't roll the dice for my life. I didn't pick the wrong chair. If the chances are really so small for a baby to have this, then it wasn't by random chance that it was our baby. God knew exactly what was to come. And he is always trustworthy.
So my prayer is that God would be glorified in every part of this. He has a plan for good and I trust him to accomplish it.
(I just forget sometimes that I trust him to accomplish it.)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
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