Not in a bad way. In a good way.
I am overwhelmed by how much people have loved me and been so giving in this whole pregnancy process.
And it's so much more humbling because I've seen that they've delighted to give; it's brought them so much pleasure to help clean my house, set up the nursery, buy baby boy oodles of clothes and furniture and accessories and necessities, and just plain be excited with me.
One person in particular that I know I could never repay is my mom. She gives so much of herself for me. Icky me. I told her yesterday that I don't know how to adequately tell her thank you. I asked if she needed a kidney. I'd gladly give her one. Bone marrow transplant. Anything. I'll do it.
Just this morning in my quiet time, I was studying about God's unfailing love, and I just had to stop and mull it over. Truly try to grasp the concept. One of the questions that was asked was, "Why is it so hard for you to accept God's unfailing love for others, but not for yourself?"
My immediate response - Because I know my own sin and wretchedness. I know my own selfishness. I often feel like I do more wrong than right, that I haven't done enough good yet to be worthy of it.
And I never will. The study then went on to say that we do God such an injustice when we try to humanize Him and make Him the best version of ourselves. It doesn't work that way. He is not the best version of humans that we can envision. He is God and He is perfect and His love is complete and perfect and unfailing and lavish and expressive and He delights to give good gifts to His children.
It's just so hard for us to freely accept that. We'd like to know that we at least gave a kidney to earn it a little bit.
So all I can say is thank you, Lord. Thank you for loving me in that way and being so good to me.
Thank you for my mom and her incredible kindness and giving spirit and the million different ways she's blessed me and served as an excellent example for me.
Thank you for my dad and that I know he would gladly, willingly, in-a-seconds-time give his life to save mine. He would sign over his entire life savings and every material possession if he knew it would help me in even the tiniest bit.
Thank you for my husband, who is just beyond description. It never ceases to thrill me to hear his voice on the phone, to have him walk in the door from work, to just live life with him. I love him more than I ever thought possible.
Thank you for my second family, and my sweet, sweet second mother, and how blessed I was to inherit such a wonderful family through marriage. We have been so overwhelmed time and again by her giving-ness and love and care for us.
Thank you for true friends, like Chris and Gloria, and their love and support of us, and that they've been so excited to walk through life with us, and welcome Baby Micah into the world with us.
I could go on and on, and still words seem so inadequate.
Lord, as deeply as you know I can express it - Thank You, and may you be loved and find delight in our love for one another.