October 17, 2009

Failure

Can anybody relate to having negative patience levels whilst with child?

I came across this verse a couple nights ago "accidentally." Actually, I'm pretty sure the Lord wanted me to bury my head very, very deeply in it.

"The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged..." - 2nd Tim. 2:24.

Hey, let's talk about the antonyms of those words, as clearly expressed in my workplace. By me.

*sigh*

I am not a failure, in terms of identity. But I have failed quite a bit lately.

Oh, thank the Lord for His mercy. But I also do not take lightly His discipline.

On a more encouraging note, Matt and I will be registering at Target today for our little Peanut. That'll be fun. Anything to do with Matt is fun. And anything to do with our new baby boy is exciting.

You know, when I first got pregnant, we were absolutely, 100% convinced that we were having a girl. As was everyone else. And I wanted a girl. To be honest, I didn't want a boy. I just really felt like I was connecting with the baby as a girl, and a boy felt so wrong.

About two days before our discovery ultrasound, I had a total shift of mind, and I told Matt concretely, "We're having a boy. I just know it." We even bet on it because Matt was still convinced he was a girl.

(I won a very mediocre foot massage.)

I don't know what changed, but two days later, approximately 5 seconds into the ultrasound, hello, we were clearly having a boy.

And now? I couldn't imagine having anyone else except exactly this little boy. I love him so much and I wouldn't want anyone different. To think of him being a girl makes me so incredibly sad because he's not. And I only want what he is. I'm in love with him and only him. Make sense?

Okay, my husband's amazing. He called just now and said, "Hey, the weather's so nice right now, do you want to go garage-saling when I come home?" He speaks my love language. I just love him.

2 comments:

  1. today id Thursday and I am waiting on your blog update.

    Here are a few of mine.....

    My amazing husband. I never have to question his love for me.

    Pumpkin Spice creamer. It is only available this time of year and I try and stock up.

    Quiet evenings....I use to feel like my life was a little boring..Now I would love a few boring days.

    Breakfast with dear friends. Actually any meal with friends.

    Sleeping through the night without having to get up and take the dogs outside in the freezing cold weather.

    Chocolate...Yum.

    Sunshine and blue skies on a cold day.

    Gloria

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