May 31, 2009

My Life Will Never Be the Same Again

That's right, it's positive. Holy mackerel.

We're starting our baby's travels at a young age.

3 tests. Just to be sure.


Friday morning our lives were forever changed. I'm gonna have to make a long story short. Thursday night, about 2am, I woke up to go to the bathroom. I had the crazy thought to use a pregnancy test to see if I could be pregnant, since I was a couple days late. You know what I mean. We're all grown-ups here.

I had a cheesy, generic brand from quite awhile ago, from a time that I kind of half-thought I could be, but didn't really think so. Since it was 2 in the morning, I didn't even wait for it, I just took it back to bed with me. I laid there for a few minutes and then used my cell phone light to look at it.

I believe my exact thoughts were: SHUT. Up.

I laid there for the next two hours in a state of shock, bed covers over my head, using my cell phone as my light. A friend said that I probably looked light a human-sized lightning bug.

I intended to stay awake until Matt got up at 5 for work, but I ended up falling soundly asleep, and when I awoke at 6:32am, I realized I just missed him. Shoot.

Instead, however, I heard his voice in the kitchen, so, wearing my bathrobe with test securely tucked inside, I wandered out to see why he was still home. Long story short: he had a crazy truck breakdown.

Needless to say, our truck has been forever laid to rest in Truck Graveyard.

After the hubbalaboo passed, as calm as can be (in a state of shock), I took The Test out of my pocket, and said, "Babe, I think I'm pregnant."

In sticking with the conciseness of my story, we bought two more tests, of which both came out positive.

I realize it's probably a little early to share the news, but you're talking about Matt and I here. We decided we were gonna keep it on the DL for a few weeks, and that lasted all of about 9 minutes.

What can I say?? We're expressive.

That's our wonderful news, and we gladly expect our lives to never be the same again. Please pray for us and our new little baby!

On a side note, below is the all-organic, from-scratch chocolate raspberry cake Matt made for me, just because. It was fantabulous.



May 28, 2009

Thankful Thursday

I have not been able to be thankful on Thursday for several weeks now. I'm very excited to get back on schedule.

I am thankful...

...for my new "banker" hours (1o:00am - 5:30pm).

...that we will soon have insurance again.

...for our new softball team (I LOVE making new friends).

...for our fully, beautifully stocked refrigerator.

...for the AWESOME weather we've been having (I haven't wasted a single day of it).

...for the chocolate raspberry cake that my husband made from scratch and all-organic ingredients, including the frosting, just because he knew I'd love it.

I know it's not a lot, but I'm a little short on time.

What are some things you're thankful for this week?

May 26, 2009

Do You Hear the Words Coming Out of My Mouth???

It's that time again.

A new post.

I've actually been mulling this one over for a few days, but I haven't had the peace and quiet and alone time to sit down and actually put ink to paper, if you will. And I hope you will.

I had a fantastic time in Costa Rica, but the thing that I missed the absolute most was my time with the Lord. We were literally around multiple other people 24/7 so there wasn't much alone time. Mothers, I have a new, albeit tiny, understanding.

Many times on our vacation I just ached to be alone with Him. Alone in His Word. Alone under the shadow of His wings. Alone in pouring out my heart to Him.

I finally got the chance on our return trip.

Matt and I were on our way home, seated in seats 8B and 8C on our flight from Denver to Missoula, and I just literally couldn't take if for one more second. It was the most alone I'd been in almost two weeks and I had to seize the opportunity.

And by alone, I mean I was one of nearly 50 passengers in a metal tube 40,000 feet up in the air.

But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.

So I seized the opportunity and started as I normally do, pouring my heart out to the Lord. Asking Him to convict me of any sin that I'm blind to or deceived by; any areas of offense that I've not seen or overlooked. Asked Him to prepare my heart to read His Word. To please give me understanding and wisdom and insight and discernment as I read His Word.

And through a roundabout way I ended up in 1st Timothy Ch. 4. One of my favorite chapters anyway, since the Lord has used it in the past to minister to my then broken and insecure heart.

But He illumined a different portion to me this time, and the revelation of it quite convicted me.

The NAS version is very near and dear to me, but I was using Matt's Bible, the NLT, and I loved the way it was phrased.

(Quick side note: a very wise person recently said that if a passage of Scripture is becoming too familiar that you easily skim through it and it lacks the brevity it should possess, then read it in an entirely different translation.)

(Amen.)

Here we go, back on track.

We don't have the time for me to lay out my whole time of study, so I just want to highlight one solitary sentence out of one solitary verse.

"Train yourself to be godly" (1st Tim. 4:7b).

For those of you who read this blog who may not know Christ as He's revealed Himself through Scripture, this verse will probably not mean much. If that's the case, please feel free to leave me a comment, and we can discuss in much greater detail and depth the Christian worldview.

For those of you who do know Christ, this may make much more sense.

In context, this verse instructs us to discipline ourselves in the pursuit of godliness.

What does this mean?

It means that we can know Christ and still be ungodly and untrained.

I was about to list a whole plethora of reasons in which I've personally witnessed this to be true, but I don't care to narrow your understanding. I much prefer for you to mull this over.

Are there areas of ungodliness in your life?

And I'm not talking about moments of sin, such as lashing out in anger or impatience. I'm talking about a willful choice of character. In the name of freedom.

How does this chapter end?

"Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you" (1st Tim. 4:16, emphasis mine).

What do people hear coming out of your mouth?

May 22, 2009

A Recap

Hearken, I return.

We were gone 8 days but it felt like much longer.

I miss Costa Rica desperately. My heart hurts. I'm excited to see my little kitty again and get back into the swing of things with the ladies of the Esther study, but I just wish I could transport all that to Costa Rica, and we could all live there happily ever after.

My dear friends, Chris and Gloria, have rented an apartment in Atlanta, seeing as they will not be making it out of there for the next 2 1/2 months.

The joys of stand-by travel. It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

All I know is that the last time I talked to her, they were yukking it up in the Crown Room and somehow, somewhere "chest waxing" became a part of their dialogue. And maybe future?

Chris and Glo, do you care to chime in on this?

I'm just saying.

I'm not judging. I'm just saying.

Here are some pics of our trip. Not too many of us because I couldn't handle seeing one more sweat-stained, greasy-cheeked picture of me. We were in the tropics in the hottest month of the year. Not conducive to attractive pictures.


Pops Ice Cream chain in CR (aka, the love of my life).

Our faces were dirty from the ATVs we rented for 8 hours. If you look very closely, you can see the beach in the background.

We got a little carried away.

This picture kills me every time. Ahh, laughing as we speak.


White-faced monkeys in the wild.

That's a good-lookin' man.

Boogie Board madness!

Coffee and breakfast outside.

To lemon pastry or not to lemon pastry?

Beautiful view in between Playa Dominical and San Isidro.


Playa Dominical

Manuel Antonio National Park

May 12, 2009

A Hiatus

My blog friends (hopefully more than all 3 of you), I am saddened to report that I will be on a hiatus.

In Costa Rica.

On the beach.

In 90 degree weather.

Yeah, that's what I though too. Very sad.

I will blog from there if I get the chance, but I make no promises, seeing as how I have a tan to get and all. And some surfing skillz to catch up on.

Once I return, however, I will be posting pictures and sharing stories. Hopefully none of them will remotely include something that I like to call a sunburn. If you will.

Espero que ustedes tengan un gran el fin de semana, y les escribo cuando regreso.

May 10, 2009

Happy Mama's Day

I am the worst daughter ever. I didn't get my mom a card or flowers. I didn't get my second mom a card or flowers (I'd like to believe that Matt shares the blame on that one). It's not because we weren't thinking of them or even because we haven't talked to them. I talk to my mom all the time. It's just because I am the worst Mailer ever. If it involves the Post Office, more than likely it ain't getting there.

Unless it's a new heart that somebody in critical condition is waiting for. And in that case, that's never actually happened to me, so... I'll repeat what I said earlier: It ain't getting there. Especially on-time. That actually never happens.

But even if I had sent a card, I would have still wanted to dedicate this post to each of them.

So here goes.

To my mom (mama):
I literally just sat here, my hands poised over the keyboard waiting for adequate words to come. I don't think they're there. How do I compose letters and words to convey what I feel towards you. You are the best mom ever. I think you're amazing. I've often heard of tension and strife that exists between mother and daughter and I literally cannot relate one tiny iota. There have definitely been times when I'm sure you would have like to have killed me (say like between the ages of 14 and 16), or at least tied my tongue in a thousand knots and forbid me from saying one more contentious, puberty-inspired word. But you were never reactive towards me; you always took my hysterics in stride and unfailingly lavished me with love and kindness.
You have the most wonderful character and attractive personality that I've ever known. Everyone who meets you loves you. The first thing out of their mouths is how strikingly beautiful you are, and the next (once they've had a chance to talk with you for approximately 4 1/2 minutes) is how incredibly sweet and kind you are. You blow my mind with how selfless and giving you are. Just being in your presence makes me want to be a kinder, gentler, more gracious woman.
I love you so much. So, so much. Thank you for being my mom, and for being the best one I could ask for.
I love you.

To my second mother,
I could not have asked for a better mother-in-law. How did I get so blessed to not only have an amazing natural mother, but I also got to inherit an amazing second mother? You raised the most incredible man. At times I think I could not love Matt more, and then I discover a whole new depth to him, and I fall more deeply in love. Thank you for giving birth to and raising a wonderful, wonderful man.
I love who you are, I love being with you. I love the sound of your laughter, and the way you tell stories. I love that I have never felt in competition with you, but we get to love the same man, just from different roles. I love that Matt loves you so much, and that he says on a regular basis, "I miss my mom." You know what? I miss her too.

I hope that both of you know how deeply loved and missed you are. We would have traded anything to get to spend this special day with you. As you go about your day, keep remembering that we are missing you, loving you, talking about you, and praying for you this day.

Love,
me

May 08, 2009

Un-stinkin'-believeable

Like I've mentioned many times before, I work for the airlines, and I do not exaggerate when I tell you that I see all manner of people. Some people just absolutely blow my mind.

This is what's running through my inside voice: "Are you serious? Are you actually serious? Tell me you're joking. You're joking, right? You're not really saying the words that I think I hear coming out of your mouth? Nah, you're totally joking."

But alas, they are not.

But when I saw this on the news... you know what, just see for yourself.

This takes the cake.

Enjoy.

May 07, 2009

A Preface to Thankful Thursday

Today is Thankful Thursday. I wish I could invite you into my heart and mind to see for yourself what the Lord has done this last week. But I can't, so I must preface what I'm thankful for with a short story.

I mentioned in my last post that I encountered grief in a concentrated amount several days ago. And since then, the story has literally consumed my thoughts. I think about it all the time. I pray like crazy for the ones affected, and I just wonder.

I've read that one of the hardest things about the grieving process is that life goes on. The pain is so intense that you feel like the world should just stop.

Can the world just stop moving for one moment and acknowledge my loss and my pain that's so intense I expect to die at any moment, and in fact, I WISH I WOULD!


That kind of grief.

One of the things that I mentioned before is that everything is so wrong about it. It's not the way life is supposed to go. And today, I think the Lord answered the wonderings in my heart through a song that I've loved for a long time, but did not have the significance before that it did today.

My eyes flooded with tears as I drove home.

I hope you listen to. every. single. word.

It was so timely that it could have only been the Lord's providence.
(In fact, I honestly don't think I've ever heard them play this song on the radio here.)

So today I'm thankful...

...for that.

...for my God. He is so good. So good. My heart soars with affection towards Him. I could weep at His love towards me. Thank You, my Lord.

May 03, 2009

Devastate Me

It's been some time since I've posted. I've been ridiculously busy.

Shopping.

And playing Settlers of Canaan (not to be confused with Catan). It's the Bible version and it's about 3 1/2 million times more fun.

Wow, I had a DAY today. I encountered tragedy today in another that has left me feeling almost physically weighed down. My heart aches because everything about it is so wrong and not the way things are supposed to be. I wish I could express to these dear people that I am so sorry.

The Spanish language conveys it more accurately: Lo siento.

I feel it and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I can't share details, but please pray knowing the Lord knows the Who and the What.

I am 25 years old. In the last week I have spoken and prayed with women who have encountered more grief and more pain than I hope to ever know, and I have felt completely inadequate. I have called desperately upon the Lord for wisdom beyond my years and my experiences, and more than that, for His heart of unfailing love that sings over His people.

I read a blog some time ago and the writer shared that she had prayed that God would devastate her with His love. That struck me because oftentimes what we need to be shaken from our apathy and self-centeredness is some devastation, some devastating love. I'll come back to finish that in a minute. Follow me here.

I worked this morning at 5am. I told my co-workers that I'd like to declare today a national holiday: National Complaining Passenger Day. I was dealing with some of the nastiest of the nastiest of people.

On top of a nasty and uncalled for note that greeted me when I walked into work this morning. On top of being bone tired. On top of being famished and having extremely low blood sugar, which equals Irritability To The Highest. My thoughts were full of angry and hateful things.

I had to push a man in a wheelchair through security and up to the gate because his achilles tendon snapped playing rugby the day before, and the whole time I was berating him in my mind for not lavishing me with thankfulness and acknowleding all the hard work I was doing. Sick. Of all the people at my work that should be the "least of these" and the first to serve another, I was complaining. Albeit internally.

My morning ended with an irrational woman one fuse short of an atomic bomb explosion after I informed her that we would not be putting her on another airline because SHE missed her flight, and it was HER fault (I made sure to emphasize that).

I say all that to say that that was me this morning. I was tired, angry, impatient, hungry, bitter, and feeling unappreciated and unfairly treated.

By the time I got home, I wanted nothing more than to hit my knees before my Lord. I needed Him desperately. I needed Him to cleanse my heart of my sin and make it clean again. I couldn't fathom going to church in my present condition with nothing to offer anyone but a fake smile and insincere words.

So I poured my heart out to Him and asked Him to fill my heart with His love today for people.

To devastate me.

He did.

And it hurts. I thought my heart would break in half today.

But how much better to feel? I hate apathy. I hate desensitization. I hate selfishness. I hate callousness. I hate trite answers. I hate it in other people. And I especially hate it in myself.

It's tempting to stay in a safe, comfortable world, isolated from the tragedies of others. After all, I have my own problems, right?

Like what color highlights to get. And what kind of swimsuit cover-up to buy.

No, that makes me sick. I want to live in the real world. And I want to love real people. And that means sharing the burden of tragedy. It means being uncomfortable. It means not having all the right answers. It means simply being quiet when words fall short. It means expending myself on their behalf.

I'm not saying I'm there. Not even close. I need the unfailing love of the Lord and His sufficient grace.

And so do you.