April 25, 2009

Communication and Ativan

Communication is an interesting thing. It's comprised of only about 3 trillion different facets. For example? For example, tone of voice. A slight lilt here, or a sharp tone there, and your meaning suddenly becomes very clear...or not so clear.

But now that we've become such a blogging, emailed, facebooked world, communication becomes even trickier. I've recently had an "email" argument with a friend, and it's been...interesting.

It's kind of nice because I get to really think about what I want to say and don't get trapped into saying something emotional that I don't really mean. But it's also not so good in that I can't know what they're really meaning or not actually saying, and I also may have to wait 12 (or 24) hours to hear back from them, leaving me alone with my thoughts and assumptions, which as we all know is rarely ever a good thing.

We learned this last week in our Esther study that anger and meanness always have a history; we don't just get angry or mean out of the blue. Usually something has been festering. This was absolutely true this past week. Which makes me wish that we would all just deal with our crap, at the time, rather than let it fester and become explosive. (And I'm talking to myself too).

Okay, I'm annoyed, and I'm ticked. (You probably couldn't really tell, so I thought I'd just lay it out there.) And I have learned something absolutely fascinating about myself in the last several months.

When I get angry or upset, my first reaction is almost always, I want to move. I don't care where, but I want to move right now. Get me out of this place as quickly as possible.

That's not usually very healthy.

(Can I just add a rabbit trail to say that something else that really annoys me is name-dropping? I see it on blogs and facebook when people "just happen" to drop a famous person's name and their connection to them.)

Ok, I'm over it.

Obviously, I need a QT.

Another one.

Or a nap.

Or an Ativan.

This boils down to the fact that relationships are difficult. We're difficult. No friendship is immune from hurting each other's feelings, or misunderstanding the other, or just being plain unteachable with one another.

But, as I've often said, I'm nobody's Holy Spirit. And most of the time, I error on the side of silence and let the Holy Spirit do the convicting. But this past week I took matters into my own hands, and quite frankly, I'd be glad to go back in time.

I want to move to Costa Rica. Forever.

I think maybe I'll go have another QT.

1 comment:

  1. Too bad it's addictive. Great med to ease anxiety and get you to fall asleep. When combined with zopiclone I could get 6 hours sleep at the height of my worst anxiety attacks.