March 17, 2009

Operation Ant Control

I've been in a feverish spring fever cleaning mode. Maybe in hopes that it'll actually make spring a reality, in light of our recent snowfall. And by "recent" I mean this morning. I've swept and cleaned our outdoor area (all the while fully expecting dormant black widows to jump out at my face in malicious attack). I had the whole emergency room visit mapped out in my head. First, who would I call? Matt? No, he's at clinicals, and he's unreachable at best by cell phone anyways. Gloria? Maybe, but if she's at work, she won't answer. Elizabeth? Yeah, that'll work, she's close and most likely home. Once I had my emergency room visit mapped out, I moved on to the cupboards. Threw everything away with an expiration date before June 17th, 1994. Arranged my spices. Swept, washed dishes, and cooked a fabulous Olive Garden knock-off dinner.
But today, in spite of my best cleaning efforts, Matt and I awoke to find our kitchen sink BLACK with ants. For those of you who don't know, I have a teensy, tiny obsessive fear of anything Insect. And all of Matt's patient assurances ("They're just ants. Gah.") were having absolutely no effect on my already stretched-to-the-limits nerves, due to my prior anxiety attack over the black widows. Which, by the way, never came to be, except for in my nightmares. So, due to this teensy, tiny fear, I contented myself to eat a bowl of cereal and bark directions at Matt, who worked tirelessly to rid our kitchen of them. And by tirelessly, I mean he got out the vacuum. He then proceeded, in all the eagerness of a novice ant killer, to spray the ant-killer can empty in our kitchen. Which meant that the 3 of us were cooped up in the office for a good hour, in order to salvage what remained of our lungs.
But now, my trust and security are gone. What if I wake up in the morning, and for the third morning in a row, we have ANTS? Hey, I just realized that ants could almost be satan. Does that mean anything?
So tell me your best ant solution.

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